There is nothing positive about telling lies, even little white ones. Often a person’s moral compass will stop them being untruthful, but some people have turned lying into an art form. They can spin the most unbelievable stories with no difficulty whatsoever giving no thought to the consequences.
Here is our take on how lies damage relationships.
The destruction of trust
Relationships thrive on trust. However, when one partner is found out in a lie the erosion of that most important of foundation blocks begins. Naturally telling a lie to hide arrangements for a surprise party you have planned is entirely different from lying about an extra marital affair. The former will do no harm; the latter could potentially end your relationship.
There is no doubt that telling the truth on occasions will also harm a marriage but the damage caused by lies is infinitely worse. Lies create suspicion and demonstrate a lack of respect for one’s partner. No matter how painful the truth may be, by admitting something you are showing that you are a responsible person. Conversely, lying shows you are capable of deceiving the people who care about you.
Once a liar, always a liar
When you have lied once to your partner you automatically create suspicion. Your partner will wonder when the next lie will be. They will question whether you are telling the truth for a long time after the first lie was told. They will look for signs that you are lying.
Constantly suspecting that a partner is being dishonest causes unbelievable stress, straining an already fragile relationship. It may be that you have no intention of lying to your partner again but you will have to work hard to convince them.
If infidelity is a factor, you can expect your partner to call you more often when you are out. They will question where you have been and why you are late. Maybe the battery on your mobile has run out, you partner will want to check. Perhaps you need to work late; your partner may call you every 15 minutes! Imagine how much easier life would be if you hadn’t told that lie
Lying devalues a relationship
Anyone who lies within a relationship will be considered selfish by their partner. The fact that you are willing to risk being dishonest, means that consciously or unconsciously you don’t value the partnership. If you did, you wouldn’t have told the lie.
Many partners who have been subjected to lies feel that the dishonest partner doesn’t love them enough or even want them in their life. In these circumstances the chances of them staying together in the long term are fairly remote.
Lies damage relationships in so many ways but it’s not impossible to repair them. If you suspect your partner is still lying you have the option to ask them to take a private lie detector test. A positive result may make you consider whether it is worth investing any more time on them. But a negative result, showing they are no longer being untruthful will give you something to build upon.
For more information about lie detector tests contact us for a confidential chat about how a test might help repair your relationship.