We launched our “Ask a Polygraph Examiner” service this month and we have had some interesting questions from our readers. The first one is about infidelity in Edinburgh.
I suspect my wife of 24 years is cheating on me. What can I do?
Having been married for more than 24 years, I overheard a conversation my wife was having on her mobile phone. It sounded a bit flirty which is not normal for her. She’s started leaving the room when her phone rings. I’ve never suspected my wife of infidelity until recently and hate to admit that I got up late one night, to check her phone while she was sleeping. There were a number of text messages to a number which I have since found out is that of an ex-boyfriend. They weren’t particularly incriminating but consisted of dates, times and places.
When I confronted her she said that they were meeting appointments with her salespeople (she sells Avon and has her own team). When I pointed out that the number belonged to her ex-boyfriend she said his wife was part of her team. This was the first I’d heard of it and I know my wife well enough to tell when she is lying.
We have had terrible rows and she accuses me of being jealous without foundation. She says she loves me and I should know better.
We both have good jobs and there are no financial worries. Our sex life is scant but this is because we both work long hours. We’ve been each other’s best friends ever since we met so sex has never been the most important part of our relationship. Since it isn’t, part of me believes I am being silly. Why would she have an affair when sex is not so important to her?
I am depressed because I don’t want to sneak around looking through her things or resort to following her. On the other hand if she is cheating on me I want to know. Our kids have left home now and I worry that she has only stayed with me all these years because of them. I lay awake at night terrified she is going to leave me.
Any advice you can give will be much appreciated.
Polygraph examiner response to R.G.
There are several ways to look at this situation.
Your wife may be committing adultery, but your life otherwise is generally happy. You have careers that you enjoy and you’ve raised your children to a point where they have fled the nest and are independent.
Your wife says she loves you and many people would swap their lives with yours in a heartbeat. Relationships are complex and occasionally people make mistakes. Sometimes they seek other company because they feel taken for granted, especially when they are in long standing marriages. Others want to recapture their lost youth and many go through a mid-life crisis.
Infidelity in Edinburgh is quite high with more than 19,000 people in the city belonging to the married people’s dating website, Illicit Encounters. However, women who stray don’t necessarily do so for sex. Often they enjoy going out with someone who is genuinely interested in them and finds them attractive, no matter the age. Couples, when one or both partners are cheating, can and do get over it. Some men are incredibly good at dealing with suspicion by pushing it aside and concentrating on the better aspects of their relationships. If you are not one of those men you might want to consider a different method.
Lie detector test for infidelity in Edinburgh
You’ve said that you don’t want to go through your wife’s things or follow her. At Lie Detector Test UK, we have a specialist polygraph examiner who conducts lie detector tests for infidelity in Edinburgh. You could of course, hire a private investigator to follow your wife and gather evidence. However, a polygraph test is infinitely less expensive.
You may wonder how to get your wife to agree to take a test. It won’t be as difficult as you imagine. In our experience a partner will agree simply because they are tired of the arguments. In other cases they welcome the test because it allows them to be truthful about something in a way they haven’t been able to with their partner. Perhaps your wife needs to tell you something but can’t find the way to do it. In a test environment with a stranger, who is a forensic psychologist and polygraph examiner, many of our clients can relax for the first time. The examiner will not judge her and is completely unbiased.
From what you say, you are terrified that your wife might leave you. Divorce is an option for many but maybe not for you. In any event, most partners would want proof before embarking on separation or divorce. Right now, you have only suspicion.
You may take some consolation from the fact that you are, by no means, the only husband in Edinburgh experiencing this problem. Illicit Encounters makes that clear. But only you can take a positive step forward to resolve your issue. Naturally we recommend our lie detector test for infidelity in Edinburgh because our service has helped so many couples in the past.
Lie Detector Test UK